Webster defines “Perfect” as the following:
1- As an adjective – having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
2 – As a verb - make (something) completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible
Neither one of them are me. I believe no matter how hard one strives to be as such, they will never be. There will always be that 1 thing that someone is not going to like, therefore, deeming you imperfect.
Now, that’s me. Imperfect. I can always try to become as close as I can to being perfect, but it’s never going to happen, and I’ve come to accept that quite sometime ago. Have you ever sat down and thought about some of your imperfections? I was thinking about some of mine the other day. I love it.
There are some items on my list that I created that I’m able to fix on my own with just a little work and that are very obtainable. I’m going to start working on them, and I know that even after I do work on some of them, I still will not be perfect. Nor do I want to be.
There are still going to people that will pick and point things out. Which is something that i’ve come to expect. Especially within the gay community. Gays are some of the most critical people ever. I swear it.
Which is why I think some gays are so unhappy and single sometimes. Because they’re always in search of “something better.” Granted, I also think that may be the same as in the heterosexual community as well.. Why is that people are always looking for something better? Are we, as humans, ever really satisfied and happy?
I can admit it, I’m very guilty of it. I really have everything I need right now… So.. now i’m wanting more? Is that selfish of me, or just human of me? Or is this action driven by our society?
What do you think?
I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. Imagine what life would be like if you had everything you wanted…if it was “perfect.” What would the challenge be? Why would you want to improve? What would there really be to reach for?
Life is imperfect because imperfection makes us stronger. Life doesn’t have to perfect for you to be content – but don’t forget that sometimes being content can lead to being complacent. The real question is what are you doing to address whatever it is you’re unhappy with? The biggest challenge I faced was learning to put myself first…and not only saying that – but meaning it.
Ultimately you need to surround yourself with people that respect the changes you need to make to your life to address whatever it is you’re reaching for. If that means you can’t go out as much, can’t drink as much, can’t be as social, etc – then that’s what it means. And it means those people have a choice – either help you be successful by respecting your goals and help you to achieve them by not pressuring you into doing whatever it you’re trying stop doing – or just get out of your life all together.
The first real step is having that honest dialogue with yourself regarding *what* you need to change to make whatever it is you want possible, and then following through on it – and NOT COMPROMISING because your friends whine, bitch and moan about it (and really if they are your friends they won’t do that).
You can’t live for other people, you need to live for yourself. Once you embrace that mentality – the feelings you mentioned above will start to disappear.
I’m happy and satisfied with my relationship, my friendships, and my children. All of those things are, by your defination, as good as it is possible to be. I’m unhappy with myself, that is the only thing I feel I truly battle. The only thing that has the ability to make me truly unhappy. Thank God my husband is amazing enough to tolerate my self deprication.
J…
Perpetually searching for “something better” or perpetually perplexed about whether or not this is what I want or is this all that there is for me and should I chance this or trade up?
Yes, I believe, society does play a role. Society has pushed us to become disposable consumers; software versions are continuously upgraded and we’re reminded and urged to upgrade, one’s computer is out-of-date when it is purchased and the pressure is on us to keep up in order to trade up to faster & greater capacity, new mobile devices are released with greater capabilities before one has mastered the functions of the device in-hand, and so on and so on.
That societal pressure in consumerism spills over to our personal lives, as well. Doubt is created. Self-questioning over the partnership choice made. Risk is greater within the “gay community”, as well, because, as you’ve pointed out, criticism is so close to the surface. How often are the “flaws” found with your choice pointed out to you to fuel your own criticisms?
I consider myself to be a tolerant person; I see great merit in that personal quality. Why am I so tolerant? …I’m imperfect, I have annoying behaviors, I have the capacity and capability to be an less-than-pleasurable pain in the ass. Realistically, I’m like everyone else; none of us are one hundred percent compatible with someone else and we each possess the ability to rub someone else’s fur the wrong way in a given moment. Without being tolerant, how can expect tolerance?
Personally, I’ve had exciting successes and serious failures in relationships. In part, because I’ve been more tolerant and more accepting than my chosen partner – whether a wife of thirteen years or a Partner of five years. Interestingly, the wife grew less tolerant and accepting of the “old” version while the Partner felt compelled to shop for a “new” version.
Your musings are both insightful and interesting.